User blog:PacmanIsGr8DontH8M8/Death Battle Tourney - Big Bull vs King Dedede
This is the first battle of the Death Battle Tourney. It features Apro319's character Big Bull facing off against Quauntonaut's character King Dedede. Interlude Wiz: Throughout history, one dangerous weapon has surpassed all others. Boomstick: That's right! Giant hammers! And our combatants today wield them with force! Wiz: Big Bull, the cybernetic combatant from Anarchy Reigns. Boomstick: And King Dedede, the King of Dreamland. He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick. Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle. Big Bull Wiz: In a post-apocalyptic future, the world is introduced to the institute of the DeathWatch Games. Boomstick: Basically, you go around and kill people for the amusement of those watching at home. That's the kind of world I want to live in. Wiz: And out of all the fighters, one stood out as the absolute WORST. His name was Big Bull. Boomstick: Before he was a robotic harbinger of doom, Big Bull was a horrible fighter who was slain at the hands of Jack Cayman BEFORE he found his signature chainsaw. Wiz: After being beaten multiple times, Jack decided to end Bull's miserable life. But his brain survived, and it was placed into a giant cyborg suit... Boomstick: And became the ultimate badass! (Big Bull taunts: "WHERE'S THE BEEF?!") Wiz: Standing 9'4" and weighing 2866 pounds, his suit is equipped with a high-speed propulsion system so he can move quickly no matter how heavy he is. Boomstick: Bull was able to retain his early knowledge of Kung Fu and built on it. He can also use the engine of his propulsion system as a jet hammer. Wiz: The only downside is that by taking out the engine, he cancels out his jets and can't move as quickly until he puts it back in. So for every strength he gains, he creates a weakness. Boomstick: And when all else fails, Big Bull can fight like, well, a bull! Wiz: Big Bull easily outweighs the average bull. Weighing in at almost 2900 pounds, he almost doubles the weight of the average bull, which is 1600-1700 pounds. Boomstick: And even after his bitter feud with Jack Cayman, he returned to help his own killer take down the giant Cthulhu. Wiz: In his cyborg suit, he possesses numerous abilities and attacks. His propulsion engine allows him to hover off the ground, he has enough strength to lift and throw a Volkswagen van, execute a tornado spin that sends opponents straight into his sharp horns, and attack with a flurry of lightning-fast punches that tear through an enemy's flesh. Boomstick: And if all else fails, he'll dive into his hand-to-hand combat prowess. Punches, head charges, and 3-ton dropkicks are enough for him to stop a bevvy of opponents in their tracks. Wiz: His only problem is that the only tissue still surviving in him is his brain. He can't feel pain, and it's hard for him to gauge when his armor will wear out. But despite his apparent weaknesses, Big Bull has truly become a master of the DeathWatch Games. ("I'm the Big Bull!You're gonna get nailed!") King Dedede Wiz: Far away on the planet Popstar, an avian king rules with an iron fist. Boomstick: That king's name is Dedede, and no matter how many times he's defeated by a little pink puffball, he'll return to his throne and rule over his kingdom. Wiz: He's powerful, greedy and arrogant, and he's forced multiple rebellions against his reign. Boomstick: He has castles and fortresses across the entire planet, and he has fighters like Meta Knight to help him carry out his initiatives. Wiz: The citizens of Popstar seem to ignore most of his edicts. Boomstick: Maybe it's the fact that he's a fat anthropomorphized penguin. It's hard to take him seriously. Wiz: But if you underestimate him, he'll literally crush you under his power. Boomstick: Dedede's signature ability is his Inhale ability. Unlike Kirby, he can't copy powers, but he can spit out opponents as stars. Wiz: He can even conjure up a cyclone in his mouth that pulls opponents in and launches them, dealing constant damage. Boomstick: And sometimes he'll pull his own soldiers out of his pocket in the form of a Waddle Dee, Waddle Doo, or Gordo, and smack them towards his enemies with his hammer. How does he have an army after all this abuse. Wiz: Speaking of hammer, his primary weapon is almost as large as he is. He can smack around opponents almost infinitely, and turn it into a jet hammer. Boomstick: And lastly in his arsenal is the Super Jump. Dedede somehow has the ability to push himself up, even in midair, and comes crashing down on top of opponents. Wiz: He doesn't even need to execute the Super Jump, because he can trap enough air into his gullet to float endlessly. He also the uncanny ability to summon his entire army from any distance, and pull out giant bombs to send his opponents flying. Boomstick: Dedede is definitely the most bizarre villain in the Nintendoverse. Wiz: Well... it's hard to say if Dedede can really be classified as a villain. Sure, he's pulled off a few nefarious schemes, but when he was really acting evil was when he was possessed by greater villains, such as the Dark Matter, Yin-Yarn and Taranza. The most evil thing he's done on his own is trying to kill Kirby on multiple occasions, but that's because the citizens of Popstar want him to challenge Dedede for his throne. Boomstick: At the end of the day, all Dedede really wants is to be King. Wiz: But he'll gladly join Kirby for a delicious dinner or an Air Ride. And in Kirby's Return to Dreamland, King Dedede helped Kirby, Bandana Dee and Meta Knight take down the evil Magolor, capable of destroying entire universes, showing that he'll do anything to keep his planet from ruin. No villain can turn his evil on and off like King Dedede. ("This selfish Dream Land King wields a big hammer that's almost as big as his mouth!") Pre-Battle Wiz: All right, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all. Boomstick: It's time for a Death Battle!!! With hammers! Death Battle (King Dedede is sitting on his throne when Kirby approaches) King Dedede: So we meet again, Kirby. This time, I will end you! (Kirby begins to inhale when Big Bull sneaks up behind him and smashes his head in with a hammer, killing him.) King Dedede: Who are you? Why do you approach me? Big Bull: I am the Big Bull! I challenge you for your kingdom! King Dedede: You underestimate my power. Your little horns are no match for my power. (King Dedede pulls out his hammer.) Big Bull: Little horns? Ha! ''(pulls out his own hammer) ''I was born horny. FIGHT! (Big Bull advances and attempts to dropkick Dedede, but he super jumps onto Big Bull's stomach. He bounces off, allowing Big Bull to get up.) Big Bull: You are more agile than you appear. King Dedede: I have more power than you could imagine. Big Bull: So be it. I must counter your abilities. (Big Bull puts his hammer back into his back and dashes forward with a charge, launching Dedede into his throne and falling backwards.) King Dedede: Hmm. A worthy opponent for a change. (Dedede smacks a Gordo towards Big Bull) Big Bull: Is this all you have to offer? (Big Bull punches the Gordo back towards Dedede. Dedede smacks the Gordo again, sending it back faster. The two repeat the cycle until the Gordo reaches speeds too quick for Dedede to react, and it hits him. Big Bull then approaches and does his tornado spin, goring Dedede. He then dashes into the wall with Dedede on his horns, sending him through the wall. Dedede then casts his jet hammer, and Big Bull pulls his out. The two both strike hammers at the same time, and they strike together, pushing both of them back.) King Dedede: His power is too great. I need time. (Dedede casts a cyclone from his gut, pulling Big Bull in slowly, scuffing his armor slightly. It's not enough to stop his sheer weight, however, and he smacks Dedede away with a dropkick as he's pulled in with force off the ground. Dedede goes flying at least fifty feet away.) Big Bull: Too easy. (Big Bull begins to hover away, when Dedede floats above him undetected. He then gradually floats down to the ground and pulls out his jet hammer. He breaks Big Bull's engine, ending his propulsion system.) Big Bull: Impossible! (Big Bull loses weight as his engine breaks off. Dedede sucks him in and smacks him several times with the hammer, then launches a giant bomb, causing him to hit a boulder far away. It breaks off one of his legs and causes him to crash. His armor begins to go on the fritz, and Dedede approaches him with his hammer raised.) King Dedede: Any last words? Big Bull: *weakly* Just... one... (King Dedede raises his hammer higher.) Big Bull: DIE!!! (With both arms still active, Big Bull unleashes his flurry of punches boreing through Dedede's flesh. The King lies on the ground in front of Big Bull in a pool of blood. Bull rises on his one leg. He lifts the large boulder above him, and brings it down on Dedede, crushing him.) Big Bull: Rock on. K.O.! Conclusion Boomstick: WOW! That was the most gruesome Death Battle in years! Wiz: Big Bull's limitations ended up resulting in his favor. The fact that he doesn't feel pain made the loss of his armor's leg irrelevant. And the fact that Big Bull weighs nearly four times as much as Dedede means his durability far surpasses that of the King. Boomstick: And with his expertise in martial arts, Big Bull had more options than Dedede. The hammer is Dedede's primary weapon, and when his Inhale ability was rendered useless, his offense became too predictable for him to capitalize on Bull's mistakes. *fan voice* But Boomstick, didn't King Dedede take down Magolor on his own? Wiz: Actually, no. King Dedede needed help from Kirby, Bandana Dee and Meta Knight to finish his quest, while Big Bull killed scores of zombies and brought down Cthulhu almost single-handedly, showing he would have the strength and endurance advantages over King Dedede. Boomstick: Looks like Big Bull rocked King Dedede's world. Wiz: The winner is Big Bull. Next Time on Death Battle (A plant grows upward and two branches extend outward in opposite directions, spelling out two names: "Torterra" and "Ryuko") This battle will likely be released tomorrow. Stay tuned for details. Category:Blog posts